"Don't you ever come back if you step out of that door!"I threatened at the top of my voice. Raymond hesitated for a moment. The palm mark that I just inflicted on him was just as clear on his face. It looked like he was blushing at one side. Tears were in his eyes but they did not betrayed him and overflowed. He picked up his bag on the floor. Without looking back, he ran out of the house in his school uniform. He slammed the door so hard as if he was going to tear it down. Rage was in my head and I did not stop him.
I was the father of a fifteen-year-old son. His mother had passed away giving birth to him. I did not blame him for snatching away the only woman whom I ever loved forever from me. His mother's last words were to take good care of him and I promised her. Ever since, he was the apple of my eyes. When he was young, I did not leave him at home nor let other people take care of him. I knew help did not come without string attached. Instead, I kept him beside me though I needed to stand by the roadside selling nasi lemak and kuih.
"I shouldn't be so harsh just now,"I blamed myself. I had been tossing left to right and right to left many times on the bed. I was giving my son a piece of advice about his homework and he just ignored me. We argued when I told him he was grounded and I would cut his pocket money. I kept checking the clock beside my bed. It was already midnight now and Raymond had not returned. I started to become worried. I was waiting for the sound of the keys and the closing of the door from the living room. It never came. I could not sleep if my son did not return home. I heard the continuous ticking sound of the clock beside me until the first glare of sunlight shone into my room. I jumped out of bed and decided to look for my son.
I went to the nearby park and took a look there. It was Sunday morning and those adults especially the old ones who were health conscious were already there. It was rather cold that morning. I started worrying about my son sleeping without warm blankets. I imagined him shivering due to the freezing weather at night on a hard, uncomfortable cement bench. I took some time searching for him around the park. Benches. slides and small roofted resting spots, but there was no sign of him. Where could he be? Many ifs came into my mind and I became more worried. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down and headed for home.
That morning, I did not carry out the daily routine which I normally did. I would have been busying making kuihs and packing nasi lemak right now. Besides, Sunday was the day I would earn the most. People would be lazy to prepare breakfast for themselves on Sunday morning. I did not bother about my work but went searching in Raymond's room. I was hoping to find a telephone book where he would keep his friends' phone numbers. I tried the desk and the book shelves. None was found. I thought he normally kept his friends' phone numbers insiede his handphone. I tried his handphone but it could not get through. He must have switch his handphone off so I could not get him. I blamed myself even more for my rash act and regretted not paying more attention to him. At least, I would have some of his friends' contacts now.
I contacted some of my friends for help in searching for my son. I also left my number to the neighbours so they would contact me if they noticed my son had returned. I went to search for him. I started with the shopping complexes, the he arcade, cyber-cafes and the shops in our residential area. i took me the whole day searching for him. Nonetheless, it was all in vain. At daen, I met up with my friends. They tried the nearby residential area. There wasn't any single track of him. There was nothing except worry and fear in my thoughts. Then, I just realized I had not eaten for the whole day when my friends advised that we should settle ourselves down and take dinner if we were going to search for Raymond. "You should make a police report at the police station in the morning if we can't find your son," Susan told me. I nodded my head a little showing some response to her words. I was eating the food on the plate bit by bit though I had not eaten for the whole day. I did not have the appetite to eat. I was worried about my precious and only son.
The next morning, after the police report was made, we continued to search for him. Dawn to dusk, there was still no sign of him. I had made a trip to the school. Standing outside the main gate, scrutinising each male student coming out. I asked one of his classmates. He said Raymond had not attended school that day. My heart sank a little but I did not give up hope on finding my son.
Many days had passed. There was still no news about my son. I realized my life without Raymond had became desolated. I had not eaten nor slept well for these past few days. My untrimmed hair and moustache would scare any young children away, but that did not stop me from looking for my son. One evening, I was trying my luck in a shopping complex. After a few hours of searching, I walked into the bakery to buy some bread. While I was paying at the cashier, a group of youngsters caught my sight. All of them dressed fashionably and had dyed hairs. There were red, green, light yellow, brown and white. "WHITE! The guy with the white hair is Raymond!" Luck was actually on my side. I quickly paid for my bread, snatched it from the cashier who was packing it and ran out the bakery.
I caught up with them. "Will Raymond forgive me for what I had done to him? Will he return home with me even if I pleaded with him here?" I asked myself. Knowing my son's temper, I decided to follow him. "I want to know where he stays and what he has been doing," I told myself. Following them was not a hassle to me for the next hour at the shopping complex where there were many people from all walks of life. Besides, my appearance would not be easily recognised even by my flesh-and-blood son after the week he had gone missing. When they came out from the shopping complex, I kept a distance away from them so that I would not be noticed easily. I did not hide behind pillars or walls like the spies in the television shows normally did. It would be more obvious that I was tailing them if I was discovered. Instead, I walked slowly with both hands in the pockets and head looking at the floor like a man who had lost his job.
Then, they turned at a corner and walked into a small route behind some shops. I walked slowly making no sound at the junction and took a peek at the small street. I noticed a few of them were puffing smokes and Raymond and the others were taking drugs! I saw a female gave Raymond a packet of pills and he swallowed one without a second thought. A few minutes later he acted crazily as if he had lost his mind. I looked at him. I was about to cry. It was I who brought him to this. If I had not slapped him out of anger and if I had stopped him earlier that say, he would not have run away from home and got involved in drugs. I blamed myself for what I had done to him.
Thinking they would not leave immediately, I called my friends. I wanted to mend what I have done wrong. When they reached the place, together, we enteered the street and shouted "Police!" When they saw us, a few of them shouted hysterically and ran towards the other end of the street. My friends and I started chasing them. Raymond staryed to run also when he saw his friends running. However, he accidentally stepped on a bottle and felll hard on the ground. Swiftly, I headed for Raymond and caught him. My friends have stopped their chasing and checked out with me. Raymond was struggling when he realized it was me, his father. "Let me go!" he shouted with anger like he wanted to give me a blow with his fist if he could while struggling. He could not overpower me. My friends helped me to tie him at his wrists.
With the aid of Susan, I sent my son to the rehabilation centre in Seremban. Susan looked at me while she heard that I was going to send my only son there. I could not forget him scolding me and shouting "I hate you, FATHER!!" when I passed him to the officer in-charge there. I hated myself, but this was what I should and could only do to halp him. When I went to visit him, Raymond was upset and refused to talk. I understood his feelings and I would also do that if I were in his position. I control my feelings. I told him "When you have recovered you will be happy I did what I did. I'm sorry but I have to be cruel to be kind."
W:CHENG
